Said my roommate after walking into the living room while we were watching the recently discovered Star Crystal.* My home is blessed with a VHS collection taking up an entire wall, so movie nights abound. Many I haven't seen, and many I probably won't, but there are definitely some gems in the bunch. Star Crystal is not one of those gems.
Well, it is a gem in its own way, it's one of those movies that are totally worth watching when you want to laugh til your sides hurt at a so-bad-it's-almost-great flick. This is definitely one where the commentary you can create is infinitely better than the script, and lack of sobriety doesn't hurt either.
Basic plot is scientific expedition finds neato crystal, neato crystal wreaks havoc. Havoc includes birth and growth of alien life form that is systematically wiping out the crew. I don't wanna spoil the end, but I will say that this is probably the most ridiculous happy ending I've ever seen in my life.
Star Crystal rips off of elements from pretty much every sci-fi/fantasy movie from the 70s and 80s - 2001: A Space Odyssey, Star Wars, Star Trek, Alien, Dark Crystal, ET - but I think the summary phrase would be Alien meets Benji. Strange, I know, but again, wait for the obscenely happy ending for that description to make perfect sense.
Truth be told, I haven't actually seen the whole thing. I came in maybe a little past halfway through when the alien was knocking off the crew. But you can rest assured that I will update with more details when I watch it again the whole way through. Might be a while before that happens though.
Special Bonuses: sweet soundtrack, killer special effects, and the artist who sings the closing track was the voice of Daphne from Scooby Doo!
* Do not be fooled by the IMDb user rating! This movie is well worth every bit of those two and a half stars. Just have to go into this remembering that it is not something that you should take seriously.